Pain

Monday's class was about pain. The pain we live with, the pain we feel daily. This was a depressing class. Dr. Feinberg read a lot of peoples statements about pain. It was amazing how many had lost siblings, hate themselves because of their looks, and have had drug addictions. This class really made me open my eyes and see that the things I have gone and am going through other people have been through it as well.

I know what my pain is. I am forced to live with it everyday. There are a lot of things that have caused me pain. Whether it being my dad divorcing my mom, not really being close with my dad, losing a grandfather, who was the only grandfather I knew, not being very close to my grandfather, having been stabbed in the back by people I thought were my friends, being cheated on, feeling left out, names I have been called, dealing with an older brother's drug addiction, and poor decisions that I must live with. The list can really go on forever. I have been through a lot in 21 years. However, I do not look for people to feel sorry for me. Instead, as I have gotten older, I have learned that you can take the pain you feel and become a better person. I take each event that has caused me pain and analyze it. I try to find if there were any warning signs that could have braced me for the pain I was about to feel. After analyzing the situations, I look at myself in the mirror and find ways that I can better myself and not feel that pain again. As a result, I have been able to deal with situations when they arise.

I have also hurt myself with this pain. Not physically, but I have come to the point where I have built walls up around myself so that I really don't let anyone in. This has affected my ability to reach out. I have been trying to let some of my guard down, but it difficult. As pretty much everyone can relate, once you've been hurt, you never want to feel that way again.

I have also hurt myself in a way that I cannot really let things go. I have been stabbed in the back by "friends" many times, and it is hard to even look at that person. Whenever I see them, I become filled with anger and rage. I really do hate that feeling. Even thinking about the situation, causes the same reaction. Trying to let go of pain is pain in itself. I feel like it will take many years in order for me to get over the events. With letting go you must feel the pain again and channel it outwards reminding yourself that it was in the past and only the future matters. Although I struggle letting things go, I have learned to recognize the people I do and do not want to surround myself with. Through this pain I can pick out more loyal and better friends. As Dr. Feinberg has said, "You need to get rid of the black holes of negativity in your life." That quote sticks in my mind everyday and is something I always remind myself of.

I try to live by my grandfather's ways. He always forgave those that harmed in, even his own son who spoke badly of him and hated him. This is something the world must attempt to do.

Pain is a learning experience. It is something that sticks with you but how you deal and overcome it is what really matters. You may never get over some of your pain but you can learn to deal with it and make it small enough, you can live life without letting it take over your life.